


Everything All at Once

by arch_cape522



Series: Flufftober 2020 [6]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Fluff and Angst, Flufftober, Flufftober 2020, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Insecure Alec Lightwood, Insecure Magnus Bane, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Tags Are Hard, being honest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:35:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27002080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arch_cape522/pseuds/arch_cape522
Summary: Alec and Magnus realized that sometimes it takes things to fall apart before you can put them back together again.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: Flufftober 2020 [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1954840
Comments: 6
Kudos: 44





	Everything All at Once

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt #6: Hurt/Comfort

Alec sighed as he pulled up to the cabin. He parked his car and cut the engine as he waited for some sort of explanation from Magnus, who was smiling away in the passenger seat. After a few moments of silence, Magnus still hasn’t said anything. “Magnus,” Alec called out to the smiling man next to him. “Why are we here?”

“Darling,” Magnus smiled, hesitantly grabbing Alec’s hand. “I booked this for the week.” 

“For,” Alec prompted, wanting Magnus to continue. He wasn’t trying to be a spoil-sport, but he was tired, and they have been driving for the last 6 hours. 

“It’s fall,” Magnus stated as it was the most apparent response to Alec’s question. “I figure we could take this time for each other while celebrating fall.” Magnus shrugged. 

“Magnus,” Alec laughed about how ridiculous his husband was. “No one celebrates fall.” 

“Darling,” Magnus smiled even though the endearment felt weird to say. It felt like he hadn't said it in a while. “Everyone should celebrate it. It’s beautiful. You can’t tell me that it’s not.” Magnus said, pointing at the scenery before them. “Also, we are here for us. We wanted to work on us, and that is what this trip is for us.” 

Alec softened at that. Things have been a bit hectic with his promotion at the firehouse and Magnus extra hours at the hospital. There has been nothing but arguments for the last few months, forgotten dinners, missed lunches, and scheduled sex. Alec knew that they were drifting apart, but neither of them did anything until now. It wasn’t until an explosive argument, at his parent’s home, that Alec knew how bad things had gotten. Magnus left that night crying, staying with Cat and Ragnor while Alec stayed locked in his childhood bedroom, refusing to talk to anyone. When they both returned home the following morning, they decided to fix whatever broken in their relationship. 

“We’re here to work on us,” Alec whispered back, smiling.

“And to celebrate fall,” Magnus added. 

*

It was late. Alec was already in bed, and Magnus was hesitant about joining him. It has been a while since he’s shared a bed with Alec due to working opposite shifts. So, it’s been months since they last shared one, so instead of going to bed, he decided to sit out in the living room watching the fire in the fireplace beginning to dim. Honestly, he shouldn’t be nervous; he wants to work on his relationship with Alec. It is what they promised each other, but after months of not being close with one another, he subconsciously built up his walls again, and he wasn’t sure if they could come down again. Magnus doesn’t know how long he was sitting there before he heard footsteps coming in the direction of the living room, and someone sat down beside him. 

“Can’t sleep,” Magnus asked without looking at the other. Magnus pulled his blanket tight around himself, drawing his legs up to his chest. 

“I thought we were trying,” Alec said, ignoring the question. He wanted to be honest. It was the whole point of this trip, but he could see the hesitation written all over Magnus’s face.

Magnus hesitated on answering and looked at Alec. The fire began to dim, but it was enough for him to see hurt and confusion lingering on the other’s face. “I am,” Magnus said. “We are. I’m nervous.” Magnus sadly said.

“Why,” Alec questioned. 

Magnus turned back to look at the little embers of the fire. “I feel like we don’t know each other,” Magnus forced himself to say. “It scares me that maybe what we had is gone. I’m scared,” Magnus breathed out. It was terrifying to admit that their relationship’s damage is more than it’s worth to fix. 

Alec sighed and moved closer to Magnus. “What do you want, Magnus,” Alec asked and waited for Magnus to answer. “I want to make this work. I  _ want  _ you. But we need to want the same thing to make this work.” Alec wanted to reach out to draw Magnus in, but he wasn’t sure if the other would welcome the touch. 

Magnus once again drew his eyes from the fire when Alec moved closer to him. He could feel the heat radiating from Alec’s body and the hesitation in the other wanting to touch him. Taking that step, Magnus unwrapped himself from the blanket and tentatively reached out for Alec’s hand, intertwining their fingers. Alec’s hand was warm in his. It felt new, as if it was their first time holding hands, their first time touching. He missed this. He missed the closeness. He missed his husband. He missed Alec. 

“Alexander,” Magnus began as he held Alec’s hand, holding it tight in his own. “I want you too. We will make this work.” 

Alec smiled at being called Alexander. It’s been a while since Magnus called him that. “That’s all I ask,” Alec replied. “Let’s go to bed, yeah?” 

Magnus nodded and allowed Alec to pull him up off the sofa. Still holding on to Alec’s hand, he let the other lead them to the bedroom. Alec let go of his hand, and Magnus watched as Alec walked to the bed’s right side and got in. Magnus hesitated for a moment before he did the same but on the left side. 

It was quiet, and the only sound heard was their breathing. Magnus turned on his side, back facing Alec, and tried to sleep but failing miserably. After a while, Magnus felt the bed move and a presence behind him and froze. He could feel Alec’s hesitance when Alec finally moved to rest his arm across Magnus’s waist before pulling him in. Magnus decided to pretend he was asleep and settled into Alec’s embrace, feeling better than he has in a while. The feeling of Alec’s chest against his back made him feel wanted. Made him feel warm. 

“I love you, Magnus,” Alec whispered, holding Magnus tightly. “ I hope you know that.”

Magnus said nothing. 

*

By the time Alec woke up, it was late morning. Sunlight was filtering through the curtains, and the room was warm. Magnus was still asleep in his arms, and Alec did everything he could to maneuver the other, so he didn’t wake up. Alec could tell that Magnus was exhausted, and he deserved the rest. Once his arm was free from under Magnus’s head, Alec threw on a sweater, tipped toed out the room, and made his way into the kitchen. 

Alec was happy to see that the kitchen was fully stocked. Magnus was always particular with that, knowing they both like to stay in and dine rather than going out. It was more intimate that way, Magnus would say. Walking over to the fridge, Alec checked to see what he could make for breakfast. It’s been a while since he made breakfast for Magnus, but they were trying to be them again, and this was a start. 

He took some eggs, butter, milk, spinach, and some fruit out of the fridge and placed them on the counter. Next, Alec walked over to the spice rack near the stove and grabbed what he needed along with some utensils and mixing bowls. He stood there, contemplating what to make, settling on spinach and eggs, pancakes, and fresh fruit on the side. About thirty minutes later, the food was done, and decided to set up the table on the inside porch overlooking the lake. It was a chilly morning, but the sun was out and provided some heat; plus, Alec made sure there were some blankets too. 

Alec smiled, walking back inside. He was nervous as he approached the door to their room but refused to let his nerves cause him to second guess himself. Opening it, he noticed that Magnus was asleep and made his way to the bed and sat beside the sleeping man. With no hesitation, Alec threaded his fingers through Magnus’s hair. He watched how Magnus’s nose scrunched up as the man became more aware, beginning to wake up. 

“Magnus,” Alec whispered gently. He smiled when Magnus finally opened his eyes. “There you are,” Alec smiled. 

“Morning,” Magnus smiled, voice still full of sleep. “What time is it?”

“Late morning,” Alec answered. “I made breakfast...well brunch.” 

“Did you,” Magnus said with a hint of surprise in his voice. 

Alec nodded, then removed his hand from Magnus’s hair before getting up from the bed. “We should eat before the food gets cold.”

Magnus sighed at the loss of Alec’s touch but sat up anyway. “I’ll meet you out there.” 

Alec left the room, giving Magnus a few moments to get ready. He walked back out to the porch taking his place and poured two cups of coffee, adding some cream. At that moment, Magnus arrived dressed in a sweater similar to Alec, hair unkempt and covering his forehead, with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders, sitting down opposite Alec.

They ate in relative silence, but Alec didn’t mind. He missed these moments in which they ate breakfast together without one of them leaving. It felt like the days before everything became a mess, and they stopped talking to one another. 

“So,” Alec began nervously. “I brought some books that we could read together. I thought maybe we could read, you know, after breakfast...or good brunch, like we used to.” Alec waited for Magnus’s response, knowing he caught the man off guard.

“You brought books with you,” Magnus asked. They haven’t read together in months.

“I did,” Alec responded, feeling as if his heart was going to explode. He felt stupid because, of course, Magnus hated the idea.

“Did you,” Magnus whispered shyly. “Did you bring our favorite?”

“What,” Alec said, not bother hiding the surprise in his voice. 

“Did you bring our favorite book,” Magnus asked again.

“Yes.” Alec simply said. 

“Okay,” Magnus smiled at the other. “Let's read it together. I miss doing that. 

“Me too,” Alec smiled. “Me too.” 

* 

Magnus curled up against Alec, his back against the man’s chest. They spent most of yesterday and today in each other's company reading. It was one of Magnus’s favorite things to do with Alec. They both would read a chapter each and just enjoy being with one another. It was nice to have some resemblance of a constant that their relationship had, and as much as it was nice to experience that there was still a nagging feeling underneath the surface. 

_ How long can this last? _

They have been at this cabin for the last couple of days. They talked about everything and nothing while avoiding the reasons they were here in the first place. Moving out of Alec’s embrace, Magnus moved to stand near the fireplace to calm his mind.

“Magnus?”

Magnus heard Alec call his name but kept quiet. His mind was racing a mile a minute, and watching the fires’ flames were doing nothing to help his mind rest. 

“Magnus,” Alec said again. “Please talk to me.”

Magnus heard the pleading in Alec’s voice. The hurt and confusion. Just minutes ago, they were enjoying each other's company, and now Magnus was standing near the fireplace, contemplating if he was going to be the first to talk or go back, pretending that things were okay. He decided on the former. 

“How did we get here, Alec,” Magnus asked and turned around looking at the man before him. Alec was beautiful in how the flames lit up his eyes, seeing bits of brown hues in his hazel eyes. “How did we go months without touching each other? Talking? And just being with one another?” 

Alec looked down at his hands, not knowing what to say. “Do you love me, Magnus?” Alec asked. He remembered telling Magnus he loved him the other night but never got a response. He knew Magnus was awake but didn’t want to force him to say anything. “Do you still love me? Or is that gone now that we drifted apart?”

Magnus thought for a moment. It wasn’t the hesitation he felt that caused him not to respond. Of course, he still loved Alec, there was no question about it, and the fact that Alec is questioning him now hurts more than he could put in words. He knows that they drifted apart, but Alec should know that he loves him because if he didn’t, he wouldn't be here trying to fix their relationship. “What kind of question is that? Fuck, Alec...of course, I do!” Magnus yelled. “Why would you think I wouldn’t? Would I be here if I didn’t?” 

“I don’t know, Magnus.” Alec sighed, trying to remain calm. “You didn’t say it back the other night, and I know you heard me. Am I wrong to question if you still loved me or not?”

“I couldn’t say it back,” Magnus whispered brokenly. “I don’t know how to be me around you anymore. Without knowing, I built up these walls around me. We don’t talk anymore, Alec. We don’t touch. We’ve talked and touched more in the last couple of days than we did the last several months. Would we even be here if it wasn’t for that argument?”

Alec hesitated for a moment. He knew if it weren’t for that argument, they wouldn’t be here this moment and that they would still be ignoring one another. “What happened to us,” Alec said instead of answering the question. 

“I don’t know,” Magnus said, being honest. “We stopped making time or us. It started with missed dates, more hours at works…,” Magnus trialed off. “We stopped communicating.” 

“We did,” Alec agreed, sadly. “But we’re trying, right?” 

Magnus moved back to where Alec was at, hesitantly reaching for his hand. “We are. If we weren’t, I wouldn’t be here.” 

Alec released a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “We have a few days left,” Alec whispered, “let’s go out to dinner some night. It’s been a while since we had a proper date, so let’s take the time and get to know each other again.” 

“I would like that, Alexander,” Magnus agreed, giving Alec a small smile. “I would like that.” 

*

Alec was nervous about dinner. It was like being on a first date all over again, which tonight was in many ways. He can’t remember the last time they had a date, a night to themselves; all he knew was it's been months. Months of not communicating, months of not being in one another presences even though they shared the same bed, and Alec knew they needed to change. As he waited for Magnus to arrive, he ordered a bottle of Magnus’s favorite red wine and looked out at the sun setting over the water. 

“It’s beautiful,” a voice said. 

Alec looked up and smiled, knowing already who that voice belonged to. “You were right, Magnus, fall is a beautiful time of year.” 

Magnus smiled and sat down, looking over at the bottle of wine sitting on ice. “I see you went ahead and ordered my favorite.” 

“Is that okay,” Alec asked. “ I can order something else.” 

“No, Alexander,” Magus said softly, “this is fine.” 

Alec gave a slight smile and took the bottle and opened it, pouring them a glass. It was quiet for the most part; it wasn’t awkward, but there was an underlying tension between them, and Alec hated it. A few times, Alec opened his mouth to say something but quickly closed it, not knowing what to say. Ten minutes went by, and the most he talked was to the waitress who came and took their orders. 

“This is awkward,” Magnus said, breaking the silence after the waitress left from taking their orders. “Even our first date wasn’t like this.” 

Alec nodded in agreement but otherwise said nothing. After several minutes their food arrived, and the tension remained. 

“Remember our first date,” Magnus started, wanting to break the tension, “you were so nervous, and you tripped over your words and wanted to make sure I was having a good time.”

Alec smiled. “You were so beautiful, and I didn’t feel like I was good enough to even go on a date with you.” 

“Alexander, you always judged yourself harder than need be. You were always good enough for me,” Mangus responded in kind. “The point I’m trying to make is let’s not try to have expectations for tonight. Let’s just enjoy this night.”

“You’re right,” Alec agreed. “Let’s start over.”

Magnus smiled. “How are you, Alexander?” 

“I’m good. I went into the city to sightsee,” Alec said. “How about you?” 

“I saw this quaint, little coffee shop when I was walking,” Magnus said, smiling. “It was beautiful, overlooking the lake, and the trees had these beautiful colors of orange, yellow, red, and greens. We should go there sometimes.” 

“Sounds amazing,” Alec agreed. “You always love those quaint shops.” 

“There’s something homey about them,” Magnus smiled. “What’s not to like?” 

Alec smiled, happy to see Magnus enjoying himself. The tension around them has lessened, and there was a comfortable silence that enveloped them while they continued to eat. Everyone once in a while, they would make small talk about how pretty the fairy lights were on the railings or how beautiful the scenery was overlooking the lake or even the things they both got up to in the past couple of months. It made Alec realize how much they both missed out on those last few months. 

Alec looked at Magnus and watched how animated he was talking about simple things. It was something Alec loved most about the man in front of him. He wanted it back, and the last thing he wanted to do was interrupt the semi-comfortable glow that has settled around them. 

“Can we talk?” Alec asked, and seeing the other tilt his head in agreement. “I love you,” Alec began slowly. “That has never changed, and I’m sorry if it seems that I have. I got so caught up with my job, and I stopped caring about our time together. I figured that you would be there when everything was said and done.” 

Alec took a breath and looked over at Magnus, trying to read his expression with little success. “I didn’t think,” Alec started once again, “for a minute that our relationship would crumble, that we would stop communicating, that we have to make a sex schedule. I took this relationship, and all the time we spent together, and for that, I am sorry. I’m not perfect, Magnus,” Alec added. “Never said I was, but I want us to work. I love you and never stopped.” 

“Alexander,” Mangus said after several minutes of processing Alec’s speech. He could see the unsureness in Alec’s eyes and hated it. He hated that they are at this point in their life in which they are unsure of the future. This wasn’t them. “Alexander, I never wanted you to be perfect,” Magnus whispered, “for this relationship to work, it takes two people. I could have tried, but after a while, it just seemed pointless to me. The lack of communication was just as much my fault as it was yours. I picked up more hours and also put our relationship on the back burner, so you are not the only one to blame.” 

“So what do we do now,” Alec asked, taking in all of what Magnus said. 

“We work on us,” Magnus quickly responded. “We get to know each other again, we communicate, we take time out of our schedule for us to get to know each other again.”

“I would like that, Magnus,” Alec said, releasing a breath he never knew he was holding. It meant the world to Alec that they were both on the way to improving their relationship. 

Magnus was smiling for the first time that felt free and true. “You want to get out of here,” Magnus asked. He didn’t want this night to end now that they were getting their relationship on track. “We can talk more, and that quaint little coffee shop is still open if you want to go there.” 

“I want to see this coffee shop you mentioned like a dozen times tonight,” Alec said jokingly, causing Magnus to laugh. It was a beautiful thing to be the one who brought that laughter out of Magnus. It has been a while since he heard genuine laughter from Magnus, and it made his heart swell with love. “Let me take care of the bill, and we can go.” 

“I’m looking forward to it, darling,” Magnus smiled brightly. 

Alec smiled back and couldn’t be happier. 

*

It was the last day, and Magnus had mixed feelings about leaving. He was worried that once they go back to the city, everything they accomplished in the previous few days would go to waste and back where they started. Hiding out in the country where there was no stress of long hours and opportunities to avoid one another, being back in the city had those. So, yes, Magnus was scared but refused to dwell on it too much. Alec left a bit early to go to the farmers market in town, and Magnus told the other he would meet him at the coffee shop, and since it was their last day, Magnus wanted just to relax before they got back to the bustling city. 

Magnus made it to the coffee shop and saw that Alec was already sitting at their usual table. Smiling, Magnus made his way over to Alec and kissed him before sitting down on the opposite side. “Were you waiting long,” Magnus asked, seeing that there were two cups of coffee on the table, one in front of him the other in front of Alec. 

“Just got here a few minutes ago,” Alec smiled. 

“How was the farmer market,” Magnus asked before taking a sip of his coffee. 

“It was great,” Alec responded. “I hope you don’t mind that we stop by later and pick up the items I bought.” 

“Of course not,” Magnus laughed. “You must have brought quite a bit.” 

“Who knows if we’ll make it back here anytime soon,” Alec said, taking a sip of his coffee. “There’s a better selection here in many of the items that they don’t have in the city.” There was a brief flicker of sadness across Magnus’s face, but it was gone as soon as it appeared. 

Magnus knew that Alec saw the sadness reflecting in his eyes, but neither of them said anything about it. “Do you want to go on a walk,” Magnus asked, not wanting to talk about what was bothering him quite yet with Alec. “I heard there’s a path not too far from here that’s beautiful this time of year.” 

“Of course,” Alec moved out of his seat, “after you,” Alec gestured. 

Magnus got up and walked to the door as Alec followed. He began to walk in the general direction of the path he mentioned. They walked in silence, but it wasn’t unwelcome. Magnus knew that he needed to talk to Alec about his being worried about returning to the city, but he wasn’t ready for it yet. 

After a ten-minute walk, they made it to this beautiful path that had leaves covering the ground lined with massive oak trees. It was as beautiful. Magnus felt Alec take his hand and started to walk, giving Magnus no choice but to follow. 

“Magnus,” Alec started, keeping his gaze forward. He didn’t want Magnus to lock up. “I know you are worried. I am too.” Alec sighed, tightening his grip on Magnus’s hand. “I can’t promise that I won’t fuck up, or you won’t, but I can promise you that I will try my best to make an effort to work on our relationship,” Alec told Magnus with no hesitation. 

Magnus stopped. “Relationships take effort, right,” Magnus responded, smiling. Leave it to Alec to make his worries disappear. It reminded Magnus of Alec before their relationship began to crumble, someone full of confidence and love. 

“Relationships take effort,” Alec repeated, pulling Magnus in for a hug. 

Magnus went freely, taking in Alec’s warmth. He pulled away and hesitated briefly before stretching to capture Alec’s lips with his. The kiss was careful, slow, but full of love and passion that Magnus missed. 

“I love you,” Magnus whispered against Alec’s lips as he pulled away for air. 

“What,” Alec said, not sure if he heard right. 

“I love you,” Magnus repeated softly. “I know you were worried that I didn’t say it back,” Magnus told the other, threading his fingers through Alec’s hair. “I just wasn’t ready to say it yet but never question the fact that I do love you, Alexander.” 

“I love you, Magnus. Always.” Alec leaned in for another brief kiss and pulled away, smiling. “Thank you, Magnus.” 

“For what,” Magnus questioned, looking at Alec and drowning in the haze hues of Alec’s eyes. 

“For this trip,” Alec waved around them. “For not giving up.” 

“You don’t need to thank me, Alexander,” Magnus smiled, grabbing Alec’s hand to start walking again. He knew that they have more to work on, and he knows it will take time, but as he told Alec: 

_ Relationships take effort.  _


End file.
